


cool ranch dorito

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Sex, Bulges and Nooks, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Power Play, Top Drop, Troll Anatomy, dave has a dick, in this one, obscene amounts of genetic material
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 09:08:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15771000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: if u read all the way to the end that is pretty valiant of u i recognize this is a hilariously silly fic





	cool ranch dorito

**Author's Note:**

> if u read all the way to the end that is pretty valiant of u i recognize this is a hilariously silly fic

when his hips stop twitching and his claws stop goring your shoulderblades, he chokes, "FUCK!" with a horrible, genuine voice crack that makes you breathe a laugh and help him sit up.

karkat tries to catch his breath with several gasps of air. "holy shit, holy shit dave," he burys your face in your shirt and shoulder. "i couldn't-.. oh my god. what did you- how. what? ahh.."

you rub his back and support his weight. "i just kind of looked around, yknow? did i find something good?"  
"no shit!" karkat thuds you with the heel of his palm, as not to hurt you, but to make a point. his voice sounds like sex, he still can't catch his breath.

"yeah, it's just uhm, up around here?" you lift your head a tiny bit, just as you scratch your fingernail in HARD down the same line going down behind his ear.

it makes him chirp with alarm softly at the same time he says "don't!"  
he twitches, comes back to life, and wraps around you tight and grabs onto you. "dave, don'-" you try it once more and he just pushes his horns into your jaw really hard.

and gives you a really drawn out, but strained "mmmmmmmmm...!!!" maybe like he's trying to cover up any other reaction he'd have? maybe a lesser one, one from his subvocalization... area, in his throat?

"are you embarrassed about it?" you push both fingernails in hard and draw them up high, from the nape of his neck to 

oh god, you love his weird alien reactions. he doesn't know whether to bare his throat to you or keep his face down hiding in your neck, but he sure is spreading his legs. you two are kind of bathing in his geneslime right now because it is everywhere and that's alright. 

cause it's fucking hot. you watch the shape of his bulge thrash around petulantly in his pants.

he just groans. you think he's trying to growl, but it isnt deep enough to be right, and there are a few cracks of higher noises in there. "dave, seriously, you're going to kill me..."

"yeah, i know, this is awesome. i started doing this to you like two minutes ago."

"and you're-!!!!!" and you push all five fingernails through his hair, making him gasp so loudly, backwards from the nape of his neck up high to the top of his head.. and scratch back downwards again. karkat rolls his hips into your thigh and grinds down, and he chirps those terrible noises into your shoulder, like there's no fricking tomorrow for him.

"dave!" he manages to eke out and claws your back again. when you stop for a second, he goes back to panting. and making out with you. sweet.

but you cut it off. "so, what's up with the noises?"

"you can't just ask that!" he breathes, "how could i possibly explain this to you!?"

that makes you think because that might be a valid statement to have. and, uh, your thinking brain has kind of taken a rain check, so you just go back to kissing the shit out of him and scratching long strokes behind and around his horns.

karkat arches his back into you, rolls his hips, grinds down on what ever he's got underneath him like he can't find it in him to care. your white shirt is stained red to the belly button and you really hope it doesn't wash out, that'd be an amazing souvenir.

after like fifteen seconds karkat is panting shallowly and chirruping too much to kiss you back, so you bite his bottom lip and pull away and all he can do in response is give you an A+ grade moan.

like he's gonna come in his pants again.

"are you gonna come in your pants ...again?" you say, without pausing.  
karkat notably grinds down over your dick and tips you backwards so you're the one laying on your bed. 

it's weird because you can feel the shape of his entrance, but his bulge is whipping around right above there. you just think that thing needs to shake hands with your dick.

you make a long, slow stroke out of your thumbnails and the invisible thread of nerves running down his scalp. it makes karkat grind his hips down just as slowly and harshly, and pull his face up to meet yours. you see his blissed out face and suddenly become aware of just how close he is. 

he's only aware enough to run his awed lips over yours. "dave," he breathes. "ah, aaah.." and then more indecipherable chirping.

you aren't even touching him this time. you're taking a break to watch him roll his hips into your jeans all on his own and whine, watching him feel how brimming with sensations he is. it sucks you have to break it off so he doesn't come yet.

you shove him up by his hipbones so he doesn't have any more friction. it actually makes him make another alarmed noise as he gets cut off. "sorry, but i wanna take a detour here. mind taking your pants off?"

"yeah.. yeah, holy shit. yeah." karkat mumbles and clumsily thumbs the button open and shuffles down his soaked denim pants. when his bulge get exposed to the cold open air it curls up angrily trying to hide itself, but its so fucking swollen, it's not gonna get anywhere. it's thick and doesn't have much range of motion in terms of curling.

now that you look at it, it looks a little too stiff and short to curl around your dick like you imagined in your head. it wants to thrash and seek heat and hide from the cold.

ohhhhhh. ohh yesssss you can give it heat to curl up in.

"fuuuuck." karkat breathes. you feel his horns press into your collarbones as he looks down. you are too, so it's fine. you watch a line of red alien nut sluice down his bulge and drip onto the crotch of your jeans and in one millisecond you are done watching his bulge like a snowglobe and take off your own ruined pants. you throw them across the room, too.

and here we are. karkat sits down on your hips and it pushes his dick into your dick unceremoniously. cool. 

it pokes around and decides it likes the heat around your balls and curls a circle around one, getting the little pointed tip underneath them. then it realizes there's more warmth below and equally unceremoniously shoves itself out of view, lower, to- "o-ooh,okay! Okay! jesus!" you say, twitching.

"just give me a second, god," karkat says like this isn't surprising. you would make a face at him but, yeah. you would rather arch your back off the bed and feel a little like a pillow princess all of a sudden.

two minutes ago, you had karkat like putty, what happened to that? now, you're- "a-aah!" just! feeling him slide into you! no big FUCKING deal! 

"yeah, i know.." is what he decides to say to you in response to this outburst. he leans down and kisses you on the corner of your mouth and slides in a lot deeper, seemingly not of his control.  
he captures your mouth and you kiss him back and wrap your arms around him like a lifeline right away. 

he's REALLY girthy.

it's kind of what you have to think about when you're kissing him with your eyes closed. you can feel-"m-aaah! holy fuck! holy-karkat! fuck!"  
you forgot about the thrashing part. you know, the part that rubs every inch of everything? "karkat, holy fuck, holy fuck ah, i, i forgot about this part." 

you kind of grin weakly onto his mouth and he grinds his hips down onto you, pushing you into the bed. when you open your eyes, you see his face and how it's all screwed up. he isn't getting shocked into distraction so you can't either. all of a sudden he's fucking piledriving you. how is that fair? 

there's another round of many strong, quick thrashes inside of you that make you tilt your hips up and spread your legs more and feel so, so pitifully close, way closer than you should be after 45 seconds of -"a-aaaaah jesus give me a break!"  
"nah." karkat opens his eyes so he can watch your gasping face. this time, his eye contact bores into you when your eyes meet his. you're not wearing shades. obviously.

"i'm really fucking close..!" you contest. you have to speak fast and light in case his dick decides to interrupt you again.  
he really shrugs a shoulder, "yeah, i know," and uses the motion to look down in thought, sit up a tiny bit, and go, "mmm."

he puts his hand under your knee and uses this leverage to bend your right leg over above your head, like he's going to fucking kill you with his dick. you can gasp, that's all you can do.  
he also leans down and puts his face right up close to yours. "do not fucking cum, do not come." he asserts.

"hhow the fuck do ...."  
your voice is so thready and light and soft and you can't, you can't! he-he's fucking, aah..

"don't fucking do it!" he growls it loudly, in your face, and you're back to attention, you just wrap your arms around him weakly, trying to hold on. it is your turn for porn moans.

he keeps going. he keeps, he's still, he's really, how, how can you? "ka-aah,karkat, i can't!" fuck it! you try to say that last part loudly. he needs to know.  
"oh, what's wrong, did i find something good?" he mocks you, grabs onto your hip with his free hand.

"fuck, i don't-!" you cry and cant your hips. you come really pitifully onto your chest, with a whining "sh-ss-shit!"

at least after that you get to catch your breath. karkat drops your right leg, which you're thankful for cause it was falling asleep. but he doesn't leave you or quit thrashing. 

when you open your eyes, he's, oh, he's coming, you know because he's hiding his head in your shoulder, all tightly curled around you. 

the shape of his bulge inside you becomes unclear to you as he fills you with his gross-ass geneslime and then one second after that you are writhing underneath him, uncomfortably full inside. "hey, hey karkat." you slap him on the back. "can you GET OUT OF ME!"

karkat says "shit" and gets out of you like you want, making a horrible amount of nut pour out of you. you don't want to look, you can feel it. "are you okay?" he says, looking down at you.

"well, i think you just cleaned the shit out of my intestines." you try to sit up one arm at a time, like unknotting yourself from the tight position you were in.  
karkat climbs off the bed so you can sit upright properly. you hate how doing so makes A LOT more cum squish out of you. this is like falling face-first in the waves when you're at the beach, except instead of your nose, it's your asshole.

you tell karkat that and he just glares at you. you are both very naked and covered almost head to toe in slimy red. you are going to burn your mattress and alchemize a new one in the next five minutes.

but showers have to happen first :(

karkat, with his red covered hands, picks up a rolled up bag of doritos from the mess in your room and eats a few while he watches you make grossed out sounds and unstick yourself from your mattress. 

"this sucks." you say once you're free from your gross mattress and first get to assess the mess all over yourself.  
then you see karkat eating those doritose.

well, you take a handful too.

**Author's Note:**

> HI thanks for reading :3


End file.
